Oh that's the final straw with these people.

The whole point of my tirade with the government, and much of my depression is the fact that I know I shouldnt be forced to care for Bea under these conditions. Its not about caring for Bea myself.

I should relate something that happened a few days ago. Now Bea is brilliant most of the time and is known for this, but she's not always that way. She has a stubborn side that people rarely see because she's getting what she wants. Attention, her needs met and usually whatever she desires. It isnt complex to figure out and around the house she has things pretty much her own way.

However, since certain nasty creatures have levelled comments like 'freak' at her, among other things I've written about, her behaviour has changed. She doesnt like going out as much unless it's to somewhere she wants to be, and she's spending more time in her room. It's also been reflected in her behaviour at Daycare, they report that she isnt engaging as much with the sessions, and spends time in the hallway where she can watch whats going on instead. She's also become difficult and sullen about things in general a lot more.

Well, Bank Holiday Monday. Yeah, one of those Mondays. Bea is a creature of habit, routines are important to her and when her daycare closes for no reason she can discern it upsets her. She stayed in bed past lunchtime until I insisted she get up and have something to eat, and just shrugged about going for a walk. I wanted to see a friend, so later in the day we went out. Big mistake...

We got within a couple hundred yards of where we were heading and Bea just stopped dead in her tracks and refused to budge. I used up my repertoire but she decided she didnt want to walk, so she wouldnt go home either. I'm afraid to say I kind of lost it at that point. She stood there howling at me because I yelled, chocolate milk dribbling down her chin and wouldnt even let me near her.

Ok, so we're stood by a busyish road with her screaming her tits off, so I tried to take her by the hand and sit her down, but she takes great offence and shoves me off. Next thing I know some berk in a passing car stops and has a go at me for 'man-handling her' out of his window. Oh right, so thats how it is I thought, and told him to mind his own, as I was neither abusing nor hurting her. Cars backed up until he left, satisfied he'd poked his oar in. Bea meanwhile hammed it up like a pro to a concerned woman who came out of her house I think, and walked with her and her daughter quite happily to the corner, where they left us. As soon as they were out of sight, she just stopped again and sneered at me, sat on someone's wall and refused to move again. Luckily this time we were round the corner and I could go and knock at my friends, who came out and encouraged her to move finally. She finished her chocolate and sat in the garden completely ignoring everyone while I had a chat, but by the time I was done she practically dragged me home.

I have no idea what prompted any of this, but thanks to the lady and her daughter who came out and were understanding about what was going on. Thanks to the bloke in his car for the concern too, but it was misplaced. 20 years, defended her against everything tooth and nail, and I'd hurt her? Pffft.

I've got legal advocacy for her, I'm bound to speak for her - if I think she has something to say, then its my duty to make sure its clear. I'm also her carer, I'm bound by duty to assist her with the things she needs help with. Those two things are accorded me because she is vulnerable. All parents have these duties to their children, but they have latitude and discretion I dont have.

I dont say no to her without reason; if she wants sweets, she has sweets where a child can be told no for example. And how many times have you seen an adult dragging a screaming child by the hand because they have to be somewhere and the child is having a tantrum because it doesnt want to go? I dont have that luxury either, and it puts me in an awkward position when we're out. At home, and in daycare she's been known to physically fight me and her carers to try and do something dangerous or stupid. Passive resistance is met by screaming and shoving and eventually hitting and kicking so this is not a bed of roses for us. The heroes that work in the front line of social care have my undying respect because they quietly manage disturbed behaviour on a daily basis.

Because of this, and the fact I'm forced to put up with it while providing that level of care on near poverty level income I've had to come here online and make myself a highly visible multiple threat, and pummel social services into helping me out of it. It's their job...

I wont give up, and put Bea in care against her wishes, so the thoughtless among my critics can cram that. Neither will I continue to sit on my arse waiting for her to snap her fingers, and then run around after her because I'm not allowed to earn a living outside of it, or even get much in the way of self respect.

So instead I'm having a team of carers to help her in her home for the times I'm not available so I can work, and have a life like any man. With a decent income I can provide better care than I am on benefits, so I'm doing this as much for her as me.

So, to the bigot who muttered 'bastard' under her breath at me yesterday while I was shopping, get yourself an education and stop listening to gossip.