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Mass producing this monstrocity

A project log for Vacuum tube single digit calculator

Forget that newfangled silicon. Hollow state is king!

castvee8castvee8 04/24/2019 at 03:080 Comments

The production line will be 3/4 of a mile long and have a worker every 4 feet. The workers will be under tarps for maximum comfort.The tarp will be propped up with sticks but not in a cubicle fashion as cubicle workers are constantly depressed. 

Each will sit in a plastic chair and solder connections on their lap whilst holding the soldering iron in their teeth. Solder will be held on top of their heads. Wire stripping wire will be done with the teeth to cut costs and dental care will not be provided. A typical employee with no experience can expect to start at 19$ per hour with full benefits(but not dental).

3 Shifts of workers will be used and breakfast served on site which will be carried to each worker by a stream of worker ants. Lucky charms cereal will be a daily staple, and goat milk will be provide...but no bowl. Bring your own spork for dining.

A runner will drag a large box of supplies up and down the line to refill supplies to each worker as needed.

30 designated workers shall do nothing but plug vacuum tubes into sockets and yell "full adder" after each insertion. Each CPU will be tested 100 times before boxing in a solid wooden box made of the finest hardwoods and hand polished.  Cpu's will be stacked on a pallet and shrink wrapped 100 times so the postal people cannot break it. A small tag will be attached to each pallet reading "inspected by number 528" Entire rainforests will be sacrificed for this wood packaging. No expense will be spared to build the best packing crate for such a fine piece of hardware. Of course to offset the rainforest losses all plastics used for this project will be gleaned from the oceans...plenty of plastic to reclaim and re-pollute the land masses again, but at least we can all count reliably again.

The card readers and input keypads will not be tested at all for the design is so superior there is just no need to test it.

Unit cost will be in the area of 240,000 dollars each but a small subsidy for electric use will be provided. A shoulda used your fingers for counting tax will also be applied and will vary from state to state. It should also be mentioned that this machine is known to have components that may cause cancer in the state of California so it is recommended you do your inputting in another state. 

The warranty included will be for 100 years but vacuum tubes are excluded. You may have other rights which will vary from region to region. Persons who have lost fingers due to hacking may be eligible for additional discounts, and may also apply as spokepersons for the machine sales. Even if you have no idea what numbers are but can slide a card into the card reader and flip a switch, sales wants to hire you. Inquire within.

 Persons with more than five digits per hand are encouraged to apply for work in our shipping dept. we really need an extra hand or two there. Of course now I digress. I have every intention on a first production run of 60,000 machines. Since there is no price break on obsolete components used for this machine I just picked a biggish number and ran with it.

Of course since this will be an open source project you could just build this yourself for probably less than 75$. And you may just have some fun, build something yourself and forget about mass manufacturing entirely.

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