So super huge thanks to @pantaz for sending me another i9900 for cost of shipping. He tells me that it was a dustbin rescue from his office...

I got the package this morning, and I was quite impressed with the packing as soon as I cracked it open. He had used bits of cardboard and the sort of interconnected, industrial strength bubble wrap that is nearly unpoppable and typically found in shipments by AppliancePartsPros and the like... nice!

Thanks again, dude...!

I took a look at the machine before hauling it upstairs. While its outer housing was quite dusty and even a bit dirty in a couple spots, the head looked almost new. The intake nozzles were whiter than (pardon me) a particularly sun-starved K-Pop girl who's just seen a couple of ghosts getting it on in her own bed. Kind of odd... this machine apparently didn't get too much to do in its previous career.

Alas, this new printer was fired for good reason - it has a mechanical issue with its paper feed mechanism, and it's smart enough to realize this and blink the proper code, as soon as it happens in the middle of its power-on dance.

So I put the printhead from it into the old one, plugged it in, and powered it up.

It did the power-on shimmy-shammy.

Green blink.

Orange blink.

Orange blink.

Orange blink.

Orange blink.

Orange blink.

"Well, that's interesting...!"

I think the next step is to attempt a logic board swap from the new machine to the old one.