So after doing preliminary testing, I determined that my initial method of nmap the network every second took much too long and was very unreliable. That's because when phones go to sleep sometimes they respond and sometimes they do. It would appear to the PI that phones would be dropping in and out of the network. So back to the drawing board. Then I learned about monitor mode.

A bright ray of hope briefly shone there that day in that humble apartment. It was immediately crushed as the $5 wifi USB card was largely incapable of monitor mode. After a few hours on stack exchange, the solution presented itself in traditional consumerist fashion: buy a new one.

So that's what I'm waiting for. USPS has notified that it has been delievered. So the next step is to set up a github and start taking pictures.