Christmas Eve. A cheerful time for most, a painful time for me. I find myself alone once again, wondering what happened. I'm pretty sure I know what happened. It reminds me of the most honorable person I've ever known. A dear friend and a brother to me. We shared a room, we shared meals, we solved problems together. We stood up for what we believed in together, no matter the consequences. It's this last point that makes me think so fondly of him. Ryan. I tried not to speak of him for so long, but it helps to do so and share his stories. A few short years ago he took his life. I can understand why he did it, but the pain he's left me with can likely never be understood by anyone other than myself. When I think back, I realize that he was the only other person I've known who would do the right thing without any regard for what it might cost him. I watched him defend people and face down anyone who dared to oppress others. He was a fierce defender of kindness and fairness. I remember the time he silenced two football teams when he went off on someone for fighting in front of a little kid. He was scary, but he was right. He changed a few lives that day. He did such things often. The most honorable man I have ever known. Little dis I know I've been doing the same thing my entire life. I never thought anything of it. I just did what I thought was right and paid the consequences. I regret nothing, even though it's caught up with me over the years. Bridges burned, hatred exposed, and my life destroyed over and over again. All my fault, all avoidable, all worth it. His memory lives on in me and I'm proud to have spent the time with him that I did.

I mention all of this because it reminds me of why The Village exists in my mind. Gentle souls, such as Ryan and myself do not have a place on society anymore. I am a very powerful and capable fighter with a fierce hatred of the sick people in this world. I've not met a single person in the past few years that intimidate me. It took me my entire lifetime to get to this point. Ryan was much the same. We were strong when others needed strength. I didn't have anyone to defend me when I needed it. I know how it feels. I want my village tobe a place for gentle souls to live out their lives and heal from the damage the world has done to them. I need such a place myself. I feel the anger building in me again as I watch people destroy the world and the lives of other people. Just today I had who I thought was a trusted friend threaten to destroy my entire life to teach me a lesson. I talked him out of it but the damage is done. Things will never be ok between us after that. It makes me want my village so much more. A place where I can control who is allowed in my life and where I can protect the gentle souls that reside there. For the longest time I thought people just did the right thing whenever they were given the chance. I recently found out that most people will not act unless they are forced to. I was never really like this. If something needed fixed I tried. Everyone else just ignores the problem. It made me feel completely alone in the world. Then I met my brother and saw that I really wasn't alone. Sadly, we went our ways for 6 years. One day I had this weird urge to log into my Facebook. I did and the first thing I saw put me into a shock so deep it lasted years. It was his obituary. Right at the top of my screen. 6 years we'd grown apart and he was gone forever. I often wonder if I could have done more to prevent it. I know the level of pain I've felt that prompted me to attempt to take my life. I can't imagine the pain he felt to actually do it. That's the most painful part for me. I feel his pain. How alone he must have felt to pull that trigger. My brother and best friend I've ever had in so much pain that even with his unwaivering strength could not stand it. The man who lent endless strength to those who needed it over the years. Gone. It is because of him and people like him that I dream of building my little village. Even if I build it and only my one dear friend comes to live there, I'll consider it a worthwhile endeavor and could die in peace. I've always needed a place like I picture and I want to share it with those who really need it. My friend is over 1,000 miles away. We talk every once in a while. He keeps me going. I know he will appreciate my dream and is excited to help me build it. I could spend the rest of my lifetime building and goofing off with even a single friend like that. So it's for people like him, Ryan, and myself that I have spent years building up this dream and working towards it. I have sacrificed a stabile and pleasant life to take jobs and opportunities that give me the skills and experience needed to build such a place in the world. I'm getting closer with every new experience. 

That is the tragic "Why" of this project that I've not shared too often, but here's the "How." I'll admit that today has been tough and just typing the above was exhausting, but I'll try to cover as much in this section as I can before I'm just burned out for the day. 

How To Design A Village(or any large project)

I'm no expert in any of this but I do have first hand experience with large scale projects. It was my specialty for quite a while. Working with software that runs on many servers scattered throughout the world. Designing and testing new systems, fixes, and testing methods. All valuable training that made me rather good at all of this. 

The first step is to define the end goal as clearly as possible. You can't create something without a plan. Well, you actually can, but results may be quite terrible or unexpected. Something as large, complex, and important as a lifestyle requires significant thought and research. Even more so when you're designing something for other's lives. I value other's lives more than my own and do not want to provide a subpart life to anyone. I'll accept one myself as I experiment with my own life. Not that of another. When I define what The Village will be, I spend countless hours just picturing things and double checking how they will interact with other things. Systems. Many systems. First I just picture my most pleasant surroundings. For me there will be wildlife, plants, water, nature, and variety. I prefer calm, quiet, and simple for living spaces. For workspaces I prefer bright, interesting, and tools. My home will be similar to a medieval home with it's thick earthen walls, large wooden doors, high ceiling with a loft, and a wood stove. I like soft flickering light and gentle airflow. Gas lamps and ceiling fans. I just go about picturing my home and taking notes as I go, revising as needed. I know that I want substantial electricity, so I plan for massive solar installations. That's a massive expense, so I know to budget for that, and that it will support all the various tools needed to build. 

This is such a complex topic and I'm far too mentally drained to tackle it all now. I'll just summarize below and fill in the rest in further posts. 

Define the end goal as thoroughly as possible, taking notes. Break it down into smaller pieces. Prioritize all those pieces and work backwards to figure out what it will take to implement it. Repeat with every little piece of every system until the entire project is complete. 

That's a very simple summary, but it's the general process I use for everything, including rebuilding an entire steel dump truck bed from the ground up, which is what I'm doing at work. My main point here is that everything is a process. Take the time to understand the end goal, break it down and create the processes. That's the hard part for me. Once a good process is in place, it's just a matter of putting in the work until it's done. I see so many people get completely overwhelmed and give up on their dreams. I remind them that's it's just a process. Everything is. From cooking a simple meal, to designing a space craft or a village. Get good at creating the processes and put in the work. 

So far I've created processes for breaking the idea into systems, and systems into their components. I'm really just at the first research phase, despite having spent a few years working in this. I understand why people think I'm crazy when I tell them I'm working on this. It's why I just don't bother anymore. They have no idea what goes into the house they live in or the vehicle they drive. I've worked extensively on both. I've built computer systems for professionals. I've rebuilt engines. I've taught people how to use power tools to build a house. I can design, build, program, and implement crude automation systems. Most people have no useful skills. They just go to work and pay the bills, sitting around and waiting to retire or die. I refuse to do anything like that. I do hard work and learn what I can about the world around me. It makes me feel alone in the world to be surrounded by people who either don't even have dreams or have long given up on them. It's depressing but I know I can't help them outside of leading by example, so here I am. 

I hope this rather depressing ramble has helped someone. If not, that's alright. The Village shall continue forward as planned. Little by little.