• Size: about 50x50mm (size of condoms I have, could be a little larger if required)
• Layers: preferrably a single 2-layer PCB, for easier ordering at the usual suspects in China
• Connections:

• debug UART
• MicroUSB for charging the battery
• temperature sensor connector
• two Neopixel strip connectors (without VCC, only DATA+GND)
• battery connector

Components:

1. ESP-12, no doubts
2. Some kind of ADC setup to measure the
3. EPIC - with some space around to apply gunpowder on top of it
4. One WS2812 on the board
5. Battery charger IC
6. Vibromotor
7. Microphone - using I2S, like this one
8. I2S DAC for the tweeter (what the hell, we have a tweeter? I guess that's happens when project contributors edit the description =D )

Something else? I need ideas, I'll draw the first board as soon as I'll have some free time.