I'm really not proud of myself for this, and to be honest I'm now finding it hard to explain. I proper lost it for a while there. It will take time to recover.

I'm taking a break from caring, and Bea is well and perfectly happy being looked out for by the system thats supposed to support us for another whole week. I've already had a week, and I'm beginning to feel quite stable again. I'm still not working again, but I'm beginning to feel like it.

I've made no secret of the fact I'm an unpaid carer, having challenged the UK's social care system over its decades of mishandling my case. Neglect, nay negligence even. Incompetence, corruption. Call it what you will, its been piled on my head in an effort to marginalise me and prevent its exposure. Used to hold me to ransom caring for Bea, with the threat of homelessness, destruction of my work (again), reputation (again), financial ruin (a small step from here) held over me if I didnt put up with unsanitary conditions, inappropriate housing and resources, and dwindling funding.

Do you know they've had me, an adult heterosexual male, on my hands and knees mopping up menstrual blood among other things in preference to huddling alone in a shop doorway for shelter, labelled dangerously insane, neglectful and abusive?

Lately I was defrauded and attacked, again, and our legal and social care system ignored us, again, while I put up with death threats. I had to deal with that situation myself, and the increased pressure from Bea, who abuses me when she isnt comfortable, literally broke me. Every turn, every escape, every chance to improve, blocked by that useless social worker who appears so corrupt I wont deal with him personally any more.

Screw that.

Well, I've achieved all my goals, including successfully campaigning for my daughter's care. Exceeded every expectation and then some, even my wildest dreams. I've faced death more than once and dont fear it, and my death would guarantee justice for Bea and my immortality. I'm still in pain daily, both mental and physical, so when some loser threatened me with a metaphorical loaded gun, I just pulled the trigger.

No way would I have done this to Hackaday, its why I've gone dark recently, and pulled out of the Prize. But I was quite prepared to go online and dox the bastards, take a handful of pills and drink a bottle of spirits while saying goodbye cruel world. When the police found my corpse, it'd be laying on a sheaf of printed evidence of what our social care system is actually doing to the people it 'supports', too.

Like I said, not proud, but I was desperate and way past cutting myself for attention. If I'd thought it helped, I'd have done that four years ago, the last time they took everything from me and left me like this as thanks for decades of legendary voluntary service. My reputation, everything destroyed, I've had to come here to Hackaday to restore it.

I was the nutter who thought he was DaVinci, holes in his pockets and a head full of dreams. Junkie, alcoholic abuser of the innocent. Yeah, we'll see about that.

A psychiatrist told me to get my daughter out of care and take over the world with my robots.

Done and done. Well, kinda. 'Winning the internets' and being copied by professionals, starting a couple of design fads and winning a bunch of awards for hacking counts, I reckon.

So I went back to them and told them what I'd been up to and why I felt like ending it all, and here we are. I say them, this time they ganged up on me. Safety in numbers lol, but I've eaten psychiatrists before and they taste funny.

Diagnosis: MorningStar, its incurable but it isnt terminal.

That is, until I eventually die from it, and then they'll probably name it after me.

Thats nice.

Keep your tentacles crossed folks. If the social care system cooperates with the Local Government Ombudsman this time under advice from the mental health team I wont have to make good on my threats. It is a threat now, and no more. Despite not being treated by the doctors psychologically or clinically again, a point on which I agree, they are finally looking at the root cause of it.

Apparently I really am not mad, its everyone else. How about that :-D

All I can do is apologise for my rather brutal behaviour, and thank those who have supported and helped me. You know who you are, I love you guys, and I'm sorry for being such a pain.

Take care, I'll catch you all soon. x