08/05/2017 at 12:05 •
50 years. I spend my life quietly fighting the injustices of a broken system, researching and experimenting, raising children alone, caring for one of them because she never got a fair crack at life and pay no mind to myself. Never been interested in fame, money, even popularity.
There's a good reason. Everyone wants to ride the unicorn. I hide because every time I do anything creative, some fop takes it and wipes their perfumed arse on it. I dont mind my friends using my talents or ideas, there's a limit to what I can do myself, which is why I joined HaD. Few people here would just steal my work and those that would arent welcome here anyway.
Comes down to some thieving ponce putting my work on national TV without so much as a credit. Well I've got to do something about that havent I? Its not the first time this has happened, but it is the first time one of those nasty celebrity makers has ripped off a disabled person and their carer so brazenly.
Tough luck for him, I'm going to make him pay for dipping his wick where it doesnt belong.
Channel 4's Craft It Yourself should take a leaf out of their own book, because Robin Johnson lifted Cardware-Origaime straight off my pages and called it his work. Anybody that knows me, knows exactly how much work went into developing a style as well as the geometry required to create Cardware, which the man-bun sporting twit didnt show because he doesnt know it. Instead, he shamelessly bullshit the viewers with some nonsense about low-poly-count art which has more to do with statistics mathematically than geometry and doesnt apply to the cardboard polyhedra Cardware is formed of, that I experimented with using as moulds, and he poured wax in to make pretty candles.
Perhaps he thought he might get away with it. Perhaps he thought I might take vengeance against him, and create some satirical artwork to further glorify him. Perhaps he just didnt even bother to read the profile of the man he was plagiarising, or perhaps he just doesnt care about other people at all, even the vulnerable. Either way, he's wrong.
Robin Johnson, you're a thieving prick. I dont make a habit of looking down on anyone, I value equality. I do however make exceptions for people who manage to prove themselves not worthy, and stealing from the vulnerable is a quick way of doing that.
Reprehensible behaviour from anyone, inexcusable from a public figure.
07/29/2017 at 07:30 •
I guess I have been throwing off a lot of negativity lately havent I. Well the three dimensions I'm currently squeezed into arent exactly comfortable, and even I'm growing impatient with the fourth...
I should tell you instead about what's become one of my favourite occupations so you might understand why I'm doing any of it. I've yelled plenty about why I'm having trouble with it...
Most of you are makers, or would like to be. The satisfaction of creating something with your bare hands is palpable even if it is for decoration and has no real function. It rests on your palm, light picking out the detail that was once just a thought, a swirl of electrons and chemicals. I find this quite delightful, and it's enough for me to do it for that alone. Bringing value into the equation sullies it, and the routine of career destroys it, which is a pity because to display it invites both, and there are no other reasons for art than its creation and viewing.
Oh yeah money talks, I just dont like the snidey tone of its voice. Historically though, that's never paid the bills and it doesnt look like its going to change either. One of the problems with morals is they are inflexible though. It's not like I can just sell out, I have responsibilities.
Fuck it. If you cant beat 'em, beat 'em.
Still not there though. There's a sense of magic to it, I not only have the ability to tease out a thought from my brain and make it real but also to take with it something tangible... I can stuff that thought it into the mechanism and make it spring to life, animate it, and that thought carries on ticking away outside my skull. If I'm careful with the construction, that thought will outlive me.
This fascination I gather is what drives artists, authors and musicians alike, to leave something behind that will outlive them in a way unlike photographs, statuary, even a waxwork of them should they be so lucky. Immortality... Its the same with us all edging toward the Singularity, the ability to persist outside our mortal selves forever is a powerful draw, one of the basis points for religion too. It's also a reason for learning to program a computer for some people. It drives me, even though I dont have a burning need to upload my entire being like some.
There is a natural order to things, birth and death are there for a reason and its called evolution. To deliberately subvert this process, pinch yourself off as perfection with no need of further improvement is not only egotistical but stupid too. Never mind other planes of existence, deciding this one is best is also not very open-minded. I'll take my chances with the rest, thanks, and leave behind just what I can make.
I should also be more careful with what I say too. I thoughtlessly used the words, 'I have nowhere to go from here', meaning no matter what I do or say I'm stuck here as a carer, and claiming historic achievements changes nothing. You wouldnt believe how anticlimactic that is compared to what it sounds like. I havent reached a pinnacle anyway, I now have a lot of work to do a) to keep up a reputation and b) to do things I do to my satisfaction. It's a lot to perfect, I'll spend my existence vainly trying to do so for no reason than my own. I'm not looking for perfection you see, I'm driven to equivalence. Humanity set itself some bloody high standards however, and being isolated from society while I obtained what I thought was equivalence blinded me to it.
There's a lesson in there somewhere I'm sure...
07/22/2017 at 23:42 •
Oh thats it. I'm out of the competition and I need to concentrate my energies on fixing my circumstances.
I cant live like this any more. It may be perceived as clever to be able to build stuff out of scrap, repurpose old equipment and the like but I'm not doing any of this to be clever. I'm doing it because I'm flat broke beyond food and a roof over my head and its just getting worse. My income is capped and prices keep rising.
I logged about the ESP's, they took so long to arrive and then caused me grief. I've got working limbs, code to drive them, a board to put the chips in and 4 chips - the 328s - but I've run into an unsolvable problem with them. Despite falling back to a couple of genuine Arduino boards running the AnalogSerial example wired to a potentiometer, I cant get the ADC's to work and neither me nor Arsenijs could make sense of it. To be honest I'm using decade-old shit and its probably that.
The reasons I've been getting a lot of crap from people I share a town with are complicated, one of them is a persistent habit of paying more attention to my devices than people, and being a bit unapproachable apparently. I should do something about this seeing as I now have a public image, and spending my days hiding out and playing with computers or even cardboard isnt very sociable.
My public image is also worrying in other ways. I came to HaD to find others like me, and over the last six months came to the disturbing conclusion that there isnt anyone not only anywhere in Britain, but globally either. Projection Synaesthesia really is that rare, generationally. It upset me; I felt alone and wandered my home turf feeling like an alien stranded on Earth, the only one of my kind.
There are other ways of looking at it however. I could describe myself as the most widely-skilled human on the planet... Leonardo DaVinci managed to integrate the sciences and arts, but I've added music to the list of skills he could apply. To be fair, he didnt have access to computers, and a Lute never inspired me either much. Cant say the idea of being the new DaVinci really inspires me either. It'd be different if I had the lifestyle that should bring me, but instead I'm a carer on benefits. Thats just embarrassing, if nothing else, and its not the caring part that I have a problem with.
You might wonder why I dont just change this, but Bea doesnt want the half-assed care she'd get from zero-hours carers so I have to do it. Secondly, as her parent I always spoke for her, but as an adult in care she was given advocacy. When I then began caring for her again myself, they gave me that advocacy because they couldnt take away the voice they'd given her. This means that I have to speak for her against my own opinion, act for her against my own judgement, and that includes ending that relationship.
I'd never voluntarily give up caring for her, but thats not the point. I'm legally forced to do it as a matter of responsibility, and I didnt volunteer for that. It's an abuse of my rights as an individual because I'm not compensated for it either, I'm treated as a burden. It isnt like I feel I deserve better, but FFS, a man with my talents kept as a slave by the government to serve their amoral agenda is just ridiculous.
All in all, I'm done. I can only apologise to those who feel let down, but this cant go on.