I've led an incredible life, one too incredible to keep telling, so I'm putting it all here in brief. Buried among the rest of my stuff it will tell my story until I'm ready to write my book. One day I will, but until then.

Born Jan 1967, same year as Radio One and BBC2 colour

This was on at the time. I dont remember it, thankfully :-)

That however is my first clear memory.

It was playing on the radio while I sat in the lounge playing with blocks in the first house, summer 1968.

Knocked over by HRH Duke of Edinborough in his Bentley aged 2

I grew up in Midhurst, home of International Polo in the UK and host to the Royal Family when Prince Charles played. Waiting at the exit gates after a match, I pulled away from my mother and ran under the tapes, right in front of the car as he drove out. Luckily, he didnt actually hit me as he was moving slowly and I fell in front of the car as he stopped. I do dimly remember it, just an impression of grass and crowds, and all that chrome...

Reprimanded for painting exclusively in black at kindergarten

According to the playgroup organiser I was very timid and waited for the other more boisterous children to finish with the paints, leaving only black. I remember a child therapist talking to me about it but back then I couldnt explain whats become a long habit, painting in white on a black background. Its something of a signature today, my artwork is instantly recognisable from the style it developed into. I should point out that if the organiser had paid attention, she'd have noticed I didnt paint in the muddy brown thats left after children get into colours...

Started taking my toys apart aged 3-4

Anything that could be disassembled by hand was, and then reassembled to see how it worked and was constructed. Another long habit, I began by not breaking things, and then learning to fix them when they stopped working, and moved on to fixing anything that I could get my hands on.

Jumped 15 foot off Hayling Island sea wall, broke both feet aged 5

My brother dared me, and I didnt know it was concrete under a layer of sand up by the wall, the rest of the beach was soft and luxurious. I spent the rest of the family holiday in one of those hideous blue disabled buggies with my feet in bandages. I dont think my father ever forgave me for that.

Goal-judged and scored Polo at Cowdray for Prince Charles aged 8-9

There isnt much of a goal for Polo. Two wooden posts set in the ground, strong enough that a horse cant knock them down. There's no net either, the horses can run right through the goal so there's a spotter to see if the ball does too. My job was to stand behind the goal post and signal in or out depending on which side it passed me, and there's two posts to check. Its quite an experience for a kid to hide behind a tree while the cavalry charge past, preceded by cannon fire. The ball is solid wood and travels over a hundred miles an hour off the stick, so you had to be small and fast for it, and Polo ponies arent ponies either. It beat a paper round for pocket money tho ;-)

Apparently its impolite to use kids for royal target practice now. XD

Chosen to play hockey for a school training film aged 9-10

I showed an aptitude for hand-eye coordination quite early, but I was never keen on team games. Hockey was kind of fun, so when the school was approached to make a training film I volunteered for the team. It was boring as hell, but it got me out of English Class.

There endeth my acting career...

Recorded by music teacher after class and played as inspiration to the others aged 9-10

Miss Dewes, a young and pretty music supply teacher was so taken with my choirboy tones she asked me to stay behind during lunchtime so she could record it. I turned pink and agreed, and managed to do a passable impression of Once in Royal David's City, which she duly recorded after a couple of takes.

The following week she played it to the class, who ragged me for being a wussy choirboy for weeks, and I never lived it down until I left the school.

There endeth my singing career, also my voice broke to a Baritone. Over the years it has deepened and I can sing Wandering Star. I really must record it. :-D

1st invention, new paper plane design aged 10

I have long loved Origami, and began paper folding quite early. Paper planes are always fun.

Encountered a computer at school and asked to use it out of school hours aged 12

The Careers Officer at my school had a habit of laying out a table of cards with things like Farmer, Doctor, Policeman, etc as a prompt to help the kids choose the ball and chain they'd be wearing until they retired. Nowadays of course a career is a luxury and you're lucky to have gainful employment. Anyway, as I eyed the doom-filled placards I noticed a box in the corner with the legend

Ready
|

and asked what it was.

"Oh, thats a computer. Pay no mind to it boy, it'll never catch on."

Something told me he was wrong about that.

Given a soldering iron aged 13-14, began building Maplin and Vellemann kits

Ahhh Maplin Electronics. Back when they sold electronics instead of executive toys. Way to go idiots.

Learned to ride a motorbike aged 16

Dad bought me a Puch Maxi...

I hated it so much. That one doesnt have a fairing and screen on it, mine did. It broke, I tore the poor thing apart trying to hit 30MPH. Not even pedalling downhill...

After some tinkering, this managed it with ease. 'Fizzy' DX, complete with broken kickstart return spring so it had to be bump-started. Happy days, that wouldnt get through an MOT now.

Bought my 1st own computer, Amstrad CPC464 in 1984 aged 17

Come and get it, Terry...

1st Job, Groundsman at King Edward VIII Hospital aged 17, Met Lady Lavinia Duchess of Kent aged 16

Minding my own business, planting out a bed of Poinsettia edged with Lobelia in the morning sunshine. I was approached by a slightly plummy lady in jeans and a Barbour cutoff with an iron burn on the back. We exchanged pleasantries and talked for maybe half an hour. I thought she was visiting a relative there.

Later that month there was a function, and all the employees were instructed to dress up and attend the hall. Nobody but me was surprised when the plummy lady turned out to be the Patron, now wearing a ballgown and jewels. She smiled and waved as I wished for the floor to open up and swallow me whole.

Head-on collision with a loaded aggregates lorry, destroyed my bike and walked away aged aged 19

Coming home from a ride out in the countryside I turned into the end of my road as I had done a thousand times, crowned the apex and grounded the footpeg, only this time there was a lorry coming towards me on my side of the road and there was nowhere to go. I remember thinking 'Shit.' and put my arm over my face as I hit it. Luckily I ploughed into the radiator grill and all I got was a popped knee cartilage and a broken wrist. The bike hit the bumper like a concertina and went under all three sets of wheels, and I bounced off and fell clear, somehow. I remember a voice; "Jesus, I thought I'd killed you!" and the bike screaming on the road. I pulled off the spark plug cap and collapsed, woke up in hospital, and the driver was prosecuted for lacking an HGV license. Explains why he was on my side of the road then.

First proper girlfriend Becky, aged 20, 2 happy years before a 'mate' broke us up

Rob, you d*ck. She still hates me for nothing 2 decades on.

Began learning to draw and paint aged 20-21

Becky was an artist, a beautiful redhead. Smart and easy-going with it, I loved her and she inspired me to better things when all I was interested in was being a bit of a Jack-The-Lad. But I was loyal and faithful, unlike the jerks I was hanging with. She took this photo, one of the few of me I dont totally hate lol

Began learning synthesisers, Amiga sampling and sequencing software aged 20-21

Computer magazines used to give away floppy disks full of software, and I started collecting the demos and learning how they were made.

Drank heavily, smoked weed, laid about and did a BTEC ONC in computing at college aged 22-26

Once into college I had little else to do but bum around, write chiptunes and try and get over Becky.

Back-packed round Europe during summer months aged 26

After Becky I hooked up with Louise but that didnt work out so well. We decided to go backpacking together, but that just put extra strain on our relationship and we broke up. She went home to her parents, and I hit the road back in the UK.

Met kids mum after returning to UK and settling in Norfolk aged 27

I'd got a job selling double glazing, and Mik joined the team. We hit it off right away, and after arguing with the manager over commission a few times, we both left and looked for better things.

Moved back to South Coast aged 28, working as a programmer

I found a job working for a lumber and hardware suppliers, programming their computer systems. Rather rapidly I also took on helpdesk duties and repairs and maintenance as well. Decent wages, nice place to live, missus with a kiddie on the way, life was good indeed.

Composed Architecture of the End of Time aged 28

Bea born 1993

I was there, wasnt going to miss that for the world. Bonfire night, we'd gone to let off fireworks with some family in their garden. Mik was due any day so she was watching the fun from the lounge. All of a sudden I was tapped on the shoulder...

"Its coming."

Whoosh, off went a firework. "What is? LOL"

"The baby, you idiot."

Luckily I had prepared everything, but there endeth my days as Jack-The-Lad.

Bea diagnosed with Dysgenesis of the Corpus Callosum 1996

https://hackaday.io/page/2707-dysgenesis-of-the-corpus-callosum probably says it best.

Molly born 1997

I was there for hers too. Nothing can prepare one for the horrors of birth, probably why you dont remember it. Except the first time you witness it maybe. Best advert for contraceptives ever lol.

I jest :-) But knowing what happens in advance does take the edge off. My strongest memory is of trying to sleep on the seats in the maternity wing's foyer afterwards in a tshirt and shorts. It was being refurbished and didnt have any glass in the windows.

Electrocuted by the tube driver of a live TV aged 31

All I know for sure was, I'd unplugged it and left it to discharge before I took the back off. Next thing I knew everything went yellow, then black. Somehow, it was plugged in. I still have a scar on my forearm now, 20 years later.

"What are you trying to do, you stupid cow. Kill me?"

Hospitalised, poisoned by toxic chemicals aged 32

I got home from work as usual, wolfed down my dinner and watched STNG on BSky-B, one of the many episodes about Deanna if I recall. It wasnt long before I was complaining about feeling ill, sweaty and nauseous. I remember vomiting violently, hallucinations. After a few days I was back out of hospital, apparently I'd managed to poison myself. It wasnt unreasonable working in a hardware store.

Eye socket broken in a fight causing permanent double vision aged 32

I spoke to a teenage girl outside the shop opposite my flat late one night. She was kicking the crap out of the signage after the shopkeeper had turned her out for trying to buy drink underage, but I didnt know that at the time. "You mind, love?" I said, pointing at my window where Bea had woken up because of the noise, and she stopped. When I came back out with milk, her scummy boyfriend sucker-punched me, I didnt even see the little sod hiding in the shadows. It made the papers after he went on a rampage and smashed up a bunch of shops he obviously had issues with as well, and I was forced to give evidence to put him away when he was arrested. Somehow, the hospital managed to lose my notes and screwed up the compensation, a point on which I am still suspicious today.

Relieved kids mum of a knife and threw her out, began raising kids alone aged 33

By now, Mik's irrational temper had forced me to move out, and after a couple of court cases to get access and parental responsibility for my kids I was living in a tiny two-bed flat so I only had Bea staying with me. I'd taken her round to see her sister, and Mik got more and more irate. Eventually she lost her temper and grabbed my good kitchen knife that she'd kept. Without thinking much about it, I got between her and the kids, feinted and grabbed her wrist and took it off her. I tossed it in the sink and she went over my shoulder kicking and screaming. I'm not proud of myself for this bit, but I then physically tossed her 6-foot frame clean through the door. Arse-first into her collection of pretty flowers lining the path, with the words "NOW f* off." ringing in her ears no less. And then I took her to court for custody and the tenancy of the house.

And there endeth my days as an IT professional.

Began learning textiles and clothing craft, repairing Bea's clothes aged 34

The first problem I had to contend with was ruined velcro and torn trousers, with Bea falling repeatedly and disliking holding anyone's hand but mine. After a while though, I got ambitious and started making Molly's school dresses as well as Bea's trousers, until they both grew out of economical range.

They say you only have to prick yourself with a needle once to get sewing in your blood. ;-)

Jacket made from a sofa

Handmade bra for Bea

Got bored mastering domestic regime, both kids in school, began researching physics aged 35-36

Just that, the wonders of the internet enabled me to research basic physics for myself, I bought materials and did a few experiments, collaborated with a windmill expert and built a wind generator for my workshop, bought an Arduino and some basic components and started hacking as I've come to know it.

Painted Deus et Machina aged 37

At the edge of the galaxy a robot explorer encounters its creator's creator, or some sh*t like that.

I have a complex philosophy.

Began learning acoustic guitar aged 40

Composed and recorded Summer's Eve aged 45

Began experimenting with robotics - cat laser tag and BLAIR aged 41-42

Cat Laser Tag was the Ultimate Weapon in my war against cats in my garden. Actually, it was a compromise, they used to crap in my garden while I tried an increasingly sophisticated array of deterrents to no avail. In the end I put a laser on a camera and used a computer algorithm to detect motion and point the laser at it. The cats thought that was great and took turns playing with it but at least they were too busy to crap. Thats a thumbs-up then, I'm calling it a win on technicality. Mine are opposable... ;-)

Bear-Like Autonomous Interactive Robot.

The bear that began it all. He was a room-guard, tracked faces, played messages and could hold objects in his gripper. My first robot! I took him to Build-A-Bear Workshop with designs for a silicone skeleton, and they told me to go away in bearly civil terms. Their loss...

Began building AIME aged 43

Autonomous Interactive Machine Entity, a Simioid Biped, and its OS.AIMOS...

Accused of madness, narcotics and alcohol, neglect and abuse, by blind social worker, Bea taken into care aged 47

This was a good year to begin with, until Bea turned 19. Then she was transferred from child social care team to adult care team. The government has always had an agenda to get disabled people off the streets where they cant be harrassed, and can be managed cheaply and quietly in care homes. It's disgraceful. Anyway, they sent a blind social worker into our home, one who couldnt understand Bea's communication and could overrule me on disability grounds in to coerce her into institutional care.

She cut off her continence aid and then sneakily obtained advocacy and duty of care in the guise of respite from the results, and then when she had totally f*ed up her funding and everything else, she accused me of everything she could think of to try and cover her tracks.

Eventually I would up threatened with eviction, sanctioned by the benefits agencies and up to my neck in debt.

Recommended by a psychiatrist to 'Get my daughter out of care and take over the world with my robots' aged 47

And I thought I was crazy.

Diagnosed with synaesthesia, high IQ, photographic memory and multiple gifts, Bea returned to my care aged 47

Apparently not, I'm the first true multiple genius since Leonardo DaVinci, for what its worth.

I've been likened to some luminaries since. Neil Young, MC Escher, Tesla, Turing... And some fictional legends too. James Bond (well, Q actually but nevermind lol) and Dr Who.

Tell this to social care services, methinks.

AIME, workshop, and much of my research destroyed, instruments sold to cover debts. Began again aged 48

Moved into a crappy council maisonette, 2 bedrooms, no garden or workshop. 1st floor with four flights of concrete steps that Bea has to navigate. Garbage, vermin, seagulls, screaming neighbours, called names every time I poked my head out of the door, became suicidally depressed.

Joined Hackaday just before my 50th birthday

Horray for Hackaday, I *really* hate Farcebook and the rest of the social nonsense and dont subscribe to the incessant chatter.

Here be giants.

Created Cardware, copied by Robin Johnson Nintendo and Apple, reached #12 in Prize Leaderboard aged 50

This one project began a cardboard revolution, gave me my name, spawned a couple of design trends and is responsible for Apple copper-plating their logo. I guess they *really* love my ass too, because they also stole my particle video effect for their HomePod advert.

Apple Genius. XD

Began online campaign over Bea's care aged 50

The Obsidian project contains much of the ins-and-outs.

Created Delphi and Light Relief in response to social care system's meddling aged 51

Pandelphi is an AI robotics system engineered around Alexa's ITTT service via a Raspberry Pi. It is waterproof and heavily shielded, and nearly unbreakable. Features active biosensing and telepresence capabilities. Funded by an officially misappropriated grant and discontinued to prevent further rights transgressions by social care system.

Light Relief It takes the piss. On so many levels...

Reached attention of County CEO and Ombudsman aged 51

I'm in the middle of an Ombudsman investigation into Obsidian, and the filthy work of Social Services. It isnt right that I should have to get into this state before anyone pays attention. Finally though.

Delphi publicly destroyed, became suicidal under the pressure aged 51

Because of all this pressure, and the fact that I was attacked yet again by society and berated for my love of robotics, I'm not going to finish my furry sexbot. In fact, f*ck robots, you're welcome. I'm off...

Began full investigation into social care system, fixed care and accommodation aged 51

What can I say? I'm just waiting now for the useless buggers to keep their promises. I have written confirmation the housing is to be sorted out, female carers for Bea, and that a formal investigation is underway. Meantime, Bea is being looked after well enough and I'm recovering nicely.

Broke a world record by accident aged 51

Then broke it in half just to be sure I wasnt hallucinating. The resulting 5mm (1/4") device just made sure I wasnt dealing with reality anymore so I'm beginning a 2.5mm (1/8") cube simply because it looks impossible, but then so was shaving a sixth off the old record without breaking a sweat. Sorry @nqtronix ;-)

My friends immediately challenged me to enter my 4^3 LED Cube in the Guinness Book of Records, as this is currently the smallest in existence. Then break it in half twice before the certificate arrives, itself a record. Heh, Record World Record holder. Just so you know, that wasnt my idea ;-p

#Smallest 4x4x4 LED Cube Yet 

Turned into a Christmas tree decoration aged 52

Christmas 2018 was a bit of a bitch, Social Services idea of mitigation turned out to be providing me with a brand new build to move into on the 20th Dec. No cooker, no TV, no internet, no dishwasher, no workshop and no Bea over Christmas, and the trains were of course not running so she spent it in care and me alone.

Just before I packed my TV I noticed some pretty new decorations behind some carollers on the news. They cheered me up a bit, looking like dripping icicles of coloured light on the trees, a metre high.

Little did I know they are Adafruit's DotStars, apparently so named for their teeny-tiny configuration after my adventures with LEDs. Thank you Ada, that was an honour indeed.

Imma have fun deadbugging these... So tiny... XD

Broke Social Services (finally) Aged 52

Moving into a new home brings new opportunities; new area, new friends and neighbours. Moving into a newly built street with each household a new neighbour, all looking for fresh starts themselves, this was bound to happen really.

One of my neighbours is a carer, actually two of them are, and they were both looking for work. Coincidentally there exists a scheme called Direct Payments, whereby a person with disabilities can source their own carers and have them paid from Central government via a trustee account, rather than use agency staff. It isnt common, only difficult to manage care regimes are handled this way.

Bea isnt difficult to manage.

But I am...

So, I've put in a request for DP, and basically fired the social workers. I negotiated my carers a reasonable wage better than agency, and now I employ two of my neighbours to help me with Bea while I hack.

Thats more like it.

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To Be Continued ;-)